Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
