we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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