You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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