The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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