I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
