I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
