tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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