Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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