it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
