I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
not ubering you a puppy
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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