I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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