I'm really into asian looking animals
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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