so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
