nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
