Don't make out with my wife yet
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
