we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he fucked my hip out of place.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
