Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
