You just made me feel so damn special
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
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the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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