why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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