I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Someone came in the potted fern
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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