HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
