yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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