Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
