ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
