FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
