guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
