I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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