She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
