you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he puts the penis in happiness.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
