Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
