i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
