do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
