they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
