all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class