My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's what I'm talking about
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.