And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
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I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots