I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my shit smells like andre
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.