hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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