Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
