I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
