Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize