dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
