I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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