Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
