I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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