At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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