I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
