Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
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I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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