I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
