just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
