Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
