Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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