The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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