It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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