I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize