They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
