and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
