so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
