Just cropdusted the office
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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