forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
