something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
