I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
