3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
