The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
