I accidentally had phone sex last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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