Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
