But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize