The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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